A Minimalist Monk’s Gift Giving Idea
A Minimalist Monk’s Gift Giving Idea
Just in time for the holidays!
Minimalist? Monk? Gift?
To season this post about switching-up your gift giving traditions may I unpack my title before I share my idea? (In a hurry? Scroll down to Now! Here’s my gift-giving idea.)
My minimalist story starts on a typical chilly Minnesota October Halloween weekend in 1989. Little did I know I was about to be treated to a life-changing series of events. Those events tricked my relationship with stuff continuing to this day.
Imagine a weekend where you’ve orchestrated a move from a 1800+ square-foot, three-story, two-bedroom suburban townhouse into a one-bedroom 450 square-foot city apartment about 15 miles apart. After a month of confirming my moving chorus (comprised of a dozen+ people who I helped move at least once or twice over the past couple years) my closing / moving day arrived. Post signing closing papers I had 24 hours to vacate my home.
Mind you I spent a solid six months preparing to list my place by thinning things out. Cycles of selling, organizing, packing, thinning decades of consumerism happened well before finding my next home. When I accepted and cashed my buyer’s earnest money I started looking for a new home. To my surprise I decided to experience city life right across the street from Lake Calhoun located in the heart of Minneapolis. My new home on the sixth (top) floor of Calhoun Terrace Apartments seemed like a dream! (I always wondered what it’d be like to live in such a place. Time to find out.)
On moving day I had 15 friends confirmed with a variety of schedules, trucks, vans, able-bodied souls ready to return-the favor. It never crossed my mind to rent a truck. (My friends convinced me I had ample truck space.)
Note! Mistake number one! NEVER EVER assume anything when it comes to moving day. ALWAYS over-prepare! Reserve a truck well before the last day of the month if you have that much stuff. Much easier to cancel a reservation (and pay cancellation fees) than face last-ditch options on a notoriously busy moving time.
The first sign of a crazy day started around 6:30 a.m. when the first call came to inform me they had to cancel. Family emergency. One of five trucks and two able-body movers cancelled. (Keep in mind, my deadline was 5 p.m. that day.). Then, three more cancels (three more trucks, less people.) At 8:30 a.m. — my announced start time — my moving crew of four people with mid-size cars were enjoying fresh brewed coffee, juices and pastries while I feverishly dialed moving truck rentals places while simultaneously praying for ONE last minute moving truck. While I dialed, my movers packed their cars with what they could and started a day of diving back and forth, back and forth, back and forth to the tune of each person racking up over 300 miles. By 10 a.m. I found a truck located about 90 minutes away. My existing moving crew carried on as best they could until the truck arrived around 1:30 p.m.
Down to four hours to finishing moving the big stuff (during rush hour traffic) and last minute cleaning. The tile floors were still wet (upstairs bedroom carpets not 100% dry from steam cleaning) when the new family arrived. With a town-house guest-parking lot full of moving crew cars and one massive moving truck, I suggested we all car pool to go to a local place to enjoy some pizza — my treat — to allow at least the freshly mopped tiles to dry out.
Between reimbursing my moving crew for fuel, food, drinks and gifts I spent MORE than I would have if I had hired a professional moving company. Thus, lesson two! Hire professionals. Worth every penny. FAR less stress, wear-and-tear on all.
When I finally landed at my new home I was functionally homeless. How so? We had to literally stack things as fast as possible to return as quickly as possible for another run. There was absolutely NO space for me to sleep. Each room was almost floor-to-ceiling boxes. Fortunately two of my dearest moving crew / friends where with me and said, You’re coming home with us!
The next day I asked the apartment on-site manager for permission to use the half-block-long common hallway as staging space from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. to sort things out. I called a temp labor agency to request three people for six hours. When the workers arrived I orchestrated another complete move. Everything had to come OUT and be put back IN by 4 p.m. After a short Subway lunch party for the crew we started moving everything back in. Everybody got a nice tip around 3:30. When I closed my apartment door I had at least some semblance of a living room, dining space, kitchen and bedroom. Over the next three months I ruthlessly liquidated 90% of what was TWICE moved! On January first I vowed to never, ever again experience such pain and suffering caused by so much stuff! When I moved from that apartment to a house-sitting gig I moved out with only three standard-size suit-cases, a computer bag and a brief-case. (Sold my remaining stuff a week before moving.) In less than 10 minutes of move time with one 15 minute taxi-van trip — done and done.
About those who cancelled on my moving day? Funny how life works out. As I thinned my apartment down to absolute essentials my address book thinned even more. Those who did help out? Half still alive, still dear friends. Other half made their final move (died) since that fateful weekend.
My monk story starts well before my life-changing Halloween weekend. I knew by second grade (1969) while attending St. Matthews grade school in Cedar Rapids Iowa I was wired for far more than what big-box religion has to offer. For my monk adventure, when you have time / interest, visit Reflections on my Journey from Catholic Alter Boy to a 60+ Shaman, Monk and Social Worker.
My path of living life as a non-denominational monk includes a deep awareness of the miraculous gift of life — just life — as is. The gift of life shared with other lives (relationships) awakens me to ever-increasing insights on how symbiotic or parasitic my life is. For example, if I constantly take without giving in return, why would you want to continue a parasitic relationship by giving me more gifts?
Conversely, when I strive to be and do what’s mutually agreed to be the best for both of us (a symbiotic relationship) we both thrive (versus simply survive). True? If true for you. If thriving is enough of a gift for you — then the following upgrade to traditional gift-giving norms may inspire you to consider my idea.
Now! Here’s my gift-giving idea.
As time flies by with what seems to be increasing speed we’ll be in the throws of another holiday season before we know it. Holidays often include the tradition of gift-giving.
Around mid September I start reminding new family and friends I sincerely cherish a healthy, happy relationship with them and our planet in lieu of a wrapped parcel, gift card(s) or tissue-filled gift bag. For those who seem flustered with my wishes, I invite them to take a few minutes to ponder what gift-giving is all about — from start to finish.
Have you ever taken a moment to unravel the act of gift-giving?
Step 1: Pick a purchased or received gift.
Step 2: Ponder the following questions:
what are the raw materials used to create this gift
imagine all the hundreds of different steps (people and resources) it takes to turn those raw materials into your finished gift.
Get my point? If you sincerely seek to live life with as little a carbon imprint as possible, study your consumer habits. As we come to be more aware of the true costs of every product purchased I pray we ripen into more earth -conscious consumers.
Next? What about people who you might classify as difficult to shop for (because they already have what they want or need). Do you seriously believe giving them another dust collector or closet / attic / basement / garage / storage space filler truly represents your appreciation, affection or love for them?
My idea? Switch gift-giving focus from a what to a who mixed with a how.
The what? Stuff.
The who?
souls who have everything. (People impossible to shop for.)
Souls you want to take steps to enjoy more robust, long-term, healthy relationships with.
Souls who you sense enjoy the concept of less is more. (Less stuff. More peace.)
Souls you know who seek more simplicity, compassion and laughter in life.
The how?
What’s my idea to upgrade gift-giving traditions? What do you sense might happen if you customized the following templated letter to people who you sincerely want to GROW more healthy and happy with.
—
My dear [name / nickname],
As I reflect on my traditional ways of gifting you, I realized something. I realized just how much of a gift you are — right now, as you are.
Truly, YOU are a gift in my life. At this stage of my life, graced with so much, I know I’m hard to shop for. I can only imagine the stress I put you through to discover something that reflects the love you and I share. And what LOVE we share — right?
From a loving space, I wonder, will you take a BIG step with me? Will you explore upgrading our gift-giving traditions. I meant to share this idea with you some time ago. Life simply speeds by too fast these days. Before one more holiday season zips by, it’s my deepest desire to continue honoring our relationship in far more simple, profound ways.
How simple?
How profound?
It’s as simple as taking steps together to become as
physically healthy
emotionally sound and
spiritually connected as we feel called to be.
The first step I ask you to take with me may sound strange at first. As we take these steps together, what may be strange now, becomes cherished in years to come.
Our first step?
Instead of buying gifts for each other, we get what we need to help us eat better. Sleep better. Communicate better. Be better at being more compassionate, kind, grateful and loving in all ways — always. The gifts of gratitude, grace and unconditional love never spoil or go out of style. We never need to worry about these gifts being lost or stolen. These gifts never need packing for they travel in our hearts, everywhere we go!
What gifts do I have in mind?
Simple gifts like drinking a glass of purified water a half-hour BEFORE eating. Did you know that thirst is often mistaken for hunger. Each time you take steps to be more physically healthy, you show your love for yourself. What a gift YOU are when you do your best to be healthy.
Simple steps like saying NO to someone or something that you KNOW invites unhealthy stress. As you become more emotionally healthy, you show your love for yourself. What a gift YOU are when you feel genuinely less stressed and more at peace.
Simple gestures of kindness, compassion and gentleness starting from within us, ripple out to the world.
Did you know that each time you’re kind to yourself, you’re kind to me? Each time you’re gentle with yourself, you’re gentle to me and everyone else around you? What a gift YOU are!
I know these kinds of gifts may seem simple to you. For me, anything you do for yourself to be the best person YOU can possible be, are gifts I’ll cherish daily. Remember, YOU ARE A GIFT to me and the world. The next time you wish to share a gift with me, share your time. Share your smile. Share yourself. Gifts such as these are as beautiful as you are!
With love, I invite you to ponder ways to upgrade our gift-giving traditions. In gratitude I bow to you for the gift you are — as you are — now. Let’s talk about these ideas when we get together next time. I look forward to seeing you soon!
—
Imagine all the time, energy, money and stress spent on traditional gift-giving evolving into more time, more energy, more money and far less stress to enjoy those you appreciate, feel affection for and love.